Followers

9/17/2013

Funny Email

I'm sharing an email I received today. I laughed, (remembering some of these occurrences all too well) - so I hope it will give you a chuckle or two this evening.
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We all have experienced all of this but maybe not all at once.  :)

FOR ALL THE MEN WHO ASK, "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG IN THE RESTROOM"?
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When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
 
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying,
"Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. 


You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. 
The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper -not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in, too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.


You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, ..... so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.  A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.

Annoyed, he asks,
"What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ...........

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms
(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!


A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...

Hard to Find...
Supportive....
Comfortable
...
Always Lifts You Up...

Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share with anyone who needs a good laugh!
     

21 comments:

TheLakeslady said...

Oh my goodness that did make me laugh but it is very true to life. The same thing happens here in the UK and everywhere else I travel too.
What ever you do don't venture into a toilet in Greece, now THAT is another story!!!

Cathy said...

Tfs Mary, this is so funny. Explains why I'm a homebody!! Cathy x

Loll Thompson said...

Hilarious!!! :) Thanks for sharing! Loll xx

Patti J said...

Laugh out loud funny, and oh, so true! Thanks for sharing!

Di said...

Got me giggling here - so, so true! Hugs, Di xx

Kathyk said...

Can definitely relate to this and, as lakelady says - don't even THINK about Greece! OR the public toilets on the Hoover dam!

Kathyk

Redanne said...

Hi Mary, thanks for the much needed laugh! I agree with TheLakeslady above, about Greek toilets...... Hugs, Anne x

tilly said...

Thanks Mary, I think we have all been there at some time....... thank you for visiting me, I have looked through your blog and you have some great work, I have become a follower so I should see you again in the playground........we can always see who has the longest caterpillar in our matchboxes lol
Tilly

Carol L said...

Bwahahaha!! I can SO relate to this funny story! TFS

Rita said...

Oh Mary, I cannot stop laughing at this. Its just so hilarious. Thankyou for sharing. Hugs from Scotland. Rita xxxx

Brenda said...

OMGosh this was funny but oh so true!! Especially when traveling, oh Lordy yes there is no "rest" in the restroom and it kills me when hubby and son are waiting on me each time! lol Now I want to know what the other story is in Greece toilets! lol

Dianne said...

LOVE IT!! made me laugh!

Dianne.

jimlynn said...

SO TRUE!!!!! Love it and you just made my day!
Lynn

MagsB said...

Oh how true this is! Especially the bit about no paper and grabbing a used tissue and dropping it on the floor!

Thank you so much for this, it made me laugh a lot!!

love Mags B x

Benzi said...

So close to home as I just went on a trip and had to stop at several rest stops and convenience stores. This is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

dixiedog65 said...

Thanks MaRY I NEEDED THAT. Evelyn J

dixiedog65 said...

Thanks Mary I needed that today! Mike is going to Orthopaedic Dr tomorrow to find out about back surgery on L4 & L5 bulging discs!

The Crafty Laydee said...

Oh,my life Mary,I have laughed so hard this morning!We can all relate to parts of that(parts?who am I kidding!! LOL!)
Thank you for starting my day with a giggle-and thank you for joining me as a follower too,I look forward to chatting to you and seeing you crafty creations:)
Have a lovely day,Nessa xxx

Hettie said...

I am sitting in my office laughing my head off at this and people are wondering why I am crying! This is brilliant. May I borrow it for my FF please?
Hugs
xx

Bonnie said...

This really set me to laughing! When it's happening to you it's really not too funny though is it? Thanks for the laugh!

Sandy said...

Amen